Jordan Ayew & Christian Benteke Elevate Shitehousery To High Art On The 7th March 2020 at Selhurst Park by Andy Breckenridge

After Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way by The Streets

I should be digging a trench for potatoes

spacing the rows meticulously, earthing them up

unwinding bindweed from the raspberries 

but here I am mesmerised by Jordan Ayew & Big Ben

down by the corner flag, keeping the ball off Watford 

in the ninety fourth minute

I should be shifting some marking 

to provide my year elevens with some detailed feedback 

on their comparative essay 

on Letters From Yorkshire by Maura Dooley 

& another poem of their choice for Monday 

but Jordan Ayew & Big Ben are still doing massive bits 

down in the corner by the Holmesdale 

& the Main Stand

it’s been well over a minute now 

& I’m getting kind of amazed 

but I should get the first train back 

because this could be the last game 

before some sort of lockdown kicks in 

but Jordan Ayew & Big Ben are still

killing it down by the corner flag

I see Jordan drag his ankle 

against that Watford defender’s shin

then salmon leap to the ground 

& the ref saps it 

gives a foul 

sweet revenge for their policy 

of rotational fouling against Wilf last time 

so I should savour the win somewhere 

after the game over a few beers

with Adrian, Al, Alfie, Hugh, Justin & Roy

I mean tomorrow’s Sunday

but it’s not quite over yet, still only one nil 

but Jordan Ayew resurrects 

flashes an imaginary yellow in the ref’s face 

& he can’t take anymore & blows for full time.

______

Andy’s pamphlet, The Liquid Air, is published by Dreich; and is illustrated by Chris Riddell. His collection, The Fish Inside is published by Flight of the Dragonfly, and he won First Prize in the Indigo Dreams Poetry Competition 2023.