In Search of Patrick by Andy Tang

have you ever seen patrick livin’ on 46th or

jesus? who often draped themselves in rags

they, on a good day, have thick

facial hairs & I was on my way

to meet either of them.

I remember dragging an old swivel chair

I’d taken from the attic of my aunt’s grocery store;

the rats weren’t exactly afraid of my steps.

the u-haul unit abandoned skirt of town

where green grasses as high as my crotch &

climbing roses & dead-stunning sunset

where you could see the sky from within.

it stank up my nose someone had pleasured

himself to heaven here. And so would I gonna

A drunk said there’d be sparkles

brooding in the northern sky

I pulled my chair to the middle

the lightbulb was libating lime milk

down my head. Borrowed a glib crescendo from a breathing galaxy

& soldered it to my bare chest.

Look through the eyes of good ol’ Ben

the one hundred dollar man

twisting my chair, my life, myself

the noose on the floor, my brother’s pretzels

I asked a psychic, where dreams go to die

at the bottom of your pillow, she said.

can i see the bottom of your pillow? I once asked my boyfriend,

pillow where dreams went to die

he went wash it in the outback the next morning

running freezing water on his thighs

i stepped out & shouted & sang & giggled

to mourn my lost fish a tangerine in the silvery sky

like a blind poet amidst the rubbles

of his faith and romance

I saw children holding hands, a cancered apple between their teeth

as the sun was about to set, their hair glowing like burnt peats

memory is body odor your eyes are

an emperor on his throne, seeing his death

an old woman, in a pointy black headdress,

a bouquet of perilla leaves – a baby in her arms – her eyes molasses.

I wept at the caws of spring

& crawled back into

the conch shell washed ashore

nine years ago the wind rose

before i knew how to taste salt

before i knew patrick

i knew where dreams go to die.

__________

A first-generation college graduate from Việt Nam, Andy began his writing journey at Houston Community College in 2017. He received an MFA in creative writing from the University of Washington, where he won the 2024 Nelson Bentley Prize in Creative Writing. His first publication is a poem featured in Palette Poetry.