a Sarah Kane cento (taken from ‘Crave’ and ‘4.48 Psychosis’)
I had a night in which everything was revealed to me.
I am the beast at the end of the rope.
Now I know there is something blacker than desire.
I’m angry because I understand, not because I don’t.
Ecstasy is simply the absence of grief.
Here I am, and there is my body dancing on glass.
An empty car park which I can never leave.
My body decompensates, my body flies apart.
Absence sleeps between the buildings at night.
The sword in my dreams, the dust of my thoughts,
I crossed two rivers and wept by one.
Darkness surrounds a collapsing star.
I REFUSE I REFUSE I REFUSE LOOK AWAY FROM ME.
And if this makes no sense, then you understand perfectly.
_______________
Deborah Finding is a prize-winning queer feminist writer with a background in academia and activism. Her debut poetry pamphlet ‘vigils for dead and dying girls’ is published by Nine Pens and her second, 'amortisation', is forthcoming with Live Canon. She is poet in residence at London’s Soho Poly Theatre. www.deborahfinding.com
This poem was chosen by Anthropocene Guest Editor HLR.
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